Library Trip circa June 2026

I always feel guilty when I check out too many books from the library. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for using the library for its purpose, but I never read them all, and I get this nagging feeling that somebody’s desperately waiting for whatever book(s) I have, and they’re checking the library website every day, and they’re seeing the book is checked out, and they’re like, Damn it, it has to be Erika, Erika checked out the book and I hate her, she will fall by my hand and my hand alone, and they might be someone adept in the sword, and they’ll take their sword and find me, cooped up in my apartment, books on the floor, and they’ll challenge me to a dual, which of course I’d win, knowing that I am also adept in the sword, but it would all be so sad, an unnecessary tragedy, because no lost library book should result in violence. Still, none of this stopped me from checking out a pile of books when I meant to only pick up one, Arrangements in Blue: Notes on Loving and Living Alone, which to my knowledge is about a single woman living (coping? understanding?) life as a single woman. Typically, I wouldn’t read such a book as it sounds sappy, but I saw it mentioned in a review of bell hooks’ novel Communion: The Female Search for Love and I did like that one (besides the very long chapter on women “choosing” to be lesbian), so I decided to give it a looksee. To be clear, this post is not a longer reflection on singleness. On that, all I can say on that is (1) Touch grass. (2) Year of 6oyfriend is not over. As long as the fiscal/physical year is in session, there’s still time to get physical. Get in the field!!

Other books I checked out:

• Stay True, Hua Hsu - Kobe says my blog posts remind her of this book. Reading it now, i must say it is a great honor to be compared to this author
• Chain Gang All Stars, Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah - Maya mentioned she was reading this book, and anyway its been on my list for a while
• The Road to the Country, Chigozie Obioma - According to the NY Times, Obioma is “The heir to Chinua Achebe.” Well, that’s a big claim. I have to read and see if it’s true.

When I was a child, I went to Grande Prairie Public Library almost weekly. I don’t think their website has changed in the past 10 years. It was a two-story library, and I mostly sat downstairs in the kid’s area, although as I grew older, I’d sometimes sit in the adult area and read or scroll Pokémon blogs on my laptop. I had a bad habit of leaning back in my chair which I’d always get yelled at for by an old lady named Beverly. But she’d let me stay there for hours even though children weren’t allowed to be there unsupervised - I once saw a brother and sister get kicked out for doing so. My first real taste of independence was walking across the street from the library to Aldi. I bought a huge bag of off-brand cheese puffs for 79 cents, money collected from lost quarters. I ate the whole bag at a desk in library corner, quietly, as food wasn’t allowed inside. Since then, those same chips have doubled in price. That’s not just inflation! It’s price gouging!

Some afternoons I’d hang out with my elementary school best friend, whom I really had a crush on, but I was in very deep denial. I’d put his name in the “Does your crush love you?” Flash games, and I recall confessing (and recanting) on Gmail, back when Gmail had a messaging system (ha). He was a handsome Jehovah’s Witness, so I never told him happy birthday. He had cute ears that were pierced. We’d play Pokémon and Beyblade and discuss strategies and theories in depth. During 6th grade he started dating a pretty Latina girl and we drifted apart. She has twins now (not his!), and last I heard from him, he’s pursuing music.

I’m hoping these books will restore my creative brain, although I know that’s a big ask. Lately I’ve been trying to disconnect from the outside world and disappear into the page, away from thoughts, feelings, bodies, and other complications. I can’t say that it’s working yet.