Going Outside

It’s January and it’s 73 degrees, a winter blessing while the rest of the country is covered in ice. It’s a weekday so I’m sitting inside, staring out the window. Sometimes I feel like a kid in detention, watching everyone else run around at recess.

Part of being a software engineer is being glued to the screen. Your work is on the screen, your talent is in the code, in your keyboard clicks. You may go to the office, you may work at a coffee shop, an airport, at home. But really, for 8 hours a day, your world becomes the screen. I’m stuck in this virtual reality much of the time, because hey, I have bills to pay. When there’s a free moment, I stare out the window, looking at the people walking to lunch, the saguaros and the pricky pear cacti, the clear blue sky uninterrupted by clouds. Then comes the longing, wanting to feel the sun on my skin (and it gets hot here in the desert, but sometimes I do enjoy the sensation of a 100+ degree day, and the tingly feeling that emerges.), and I feel the pull to go outside.

One day, I took a walk around the campus. Along the route, I saw a few portapotties. They were tall and purple, and stood out amongst the sea of brown that coats the campus. I guess they’re for the construction workers. I thought about going inside. Maybe behind the plastic door would be a world without software engineers, one of cold and snow and talking lions, something like Narnia. I thought about it for a while, but in the corner of my eye I saw someone walk by, so I left.

The next day I went to the dentist. We have a trailer on campus that’s a whole dentist’s office, with all the equipment. There’s no windows, so the lighting has this strange coolness to it that makes the whole place feel like a labratory. But the people there are nice. I was chatting with the assistant. I mentioned my blog, and that I was writing this post, about not going outside enough, I guess. “I’m always staring at a screen,” I said. The assistant said I should go to some of the mountain ranges. “Lookout Mountain is a good one,” he said. There was another one he recommended, but by the time all the xrays and cleanings were done, I’d forgotten. But I do have some hiking boots in my closet, so I’ll put Lookout Mountain on the list.

I did go outside that day to go to Staples. It’s in Scottsdale in a strip mall I visit often. I instinctively put the address into Google Maps, and on the drive I thought “Wait, why do I need maps?” If I’m driving with my parents back home, they never use Google Maps, even if they’re going somewhere for the first time. It’s a point of pride. Long ago, my Dad was a taxi driver, and my Mom is part of the generation that didn’t have smartphones on the dashboards in their 20’s. I’m a little jealous of their resourcefulness. Google Maps is convenient but it’s kind of turned me into a robot. It’s just another screen to look at.

On the way back I decided to try without maps. I got on the 101 and I was on my way, easy. I passed by a Waymo car going exactly the speed limit, which is considered a snails pace on these Arizona Highways. I’ve been in one of those cars before and honestly, they drive safer than me and most of the drivers here. My diabolical dream is that the Waymos will eventually replace all the cars on the road and we’ll all have robotaxis taking us everywhere. Most people wouldn’t like that, but sometimes I’d rather not drive but just sleep in the car.

Anyway, I made it home and went straight to my apartment. From one box to another - the life of a Phoenician! I caught a glimpse of the sunset, and it was beautiful as always, a smattering of purples and pinks like cotton candy melting in the sky. I think it’s that scene that keeps me comfortable here, the consistency of the setting sun, on hot days, on cold days, bad days, good days, I know it will always be there, looking like a painting, with the mountains all around, high like prison walls. The valley of the sun!